Simply put, shadow work is the guided exploration of the subconscious mind with the goal of uncovering and integrating the parts of yourself that repressed. There is gold in the shadow!
In addition to feeling for your cranial rhythm, the work I facilitate also give voice to shadow aspects of your personality. The same way we don’t walk through life looking for triggers, I don’t show up for sessions trying to do shadow work. I will never ever intentionally trigger anyone on my table. What I will do is to help you see and integrate the part of your subconscious that the trigger is bringing to light.
At this juncture, what really matters is consent. Please understand that triggers, discomfort and unplanned exploration of off-road parts of your psyche may be a part of your experience, even if you come in for a simple massage.
The purpose of this writing is to familiarize you with shadow work, how it looks and how we can work together to make the process safe for everyone.
The psyche exists in perpetual balance between the bright and shadow sides of our natures, a sort of seesaw.
The process of acculturation teaches us what qualities are acceptable and which will lead to exclusion, humiliation and pain. Naturally, we gravitate toward the “good” qualities that garner praise and learn to hide and disown the shadow aspects of ourselves. If the seesaw is heavily loaded on the bright side, the dark side will require an equally heavy load for the person to stay in balance. Think about disgraced politicians and church leaders. Think about moments of out of character bad behavior in your own life.
The shadow requires integration or it escapes containment and wreaks havoc on your life and the lives of others. For my Christian readers, please consider Proverbs 4:23: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Most biblical scholars will agree that anywhere the Bible mentions the heart, what it is referring to in our language is the subconscious. Rightly understood, this is a command to know yourself.
There are noble impulses in the shadow. For instance, rage can be the part that loves you, wants to protect you, and knows your abuse was unacceptable. The need for validation can bespeak the desire to connect deeply, to love and be loved. Often the noble shadow points toward our purpose in life. Drawing skeletons out of the closet is easy compared to owning the gold in the shadow, because once you own it you walk taller and live more fully. You will no longer be suited to live as a widget maker, but exceptionalism and alienation can go hand in hand.
Practically speaking, in a session, shadow work usually shows up in the following ways: triggers, synchronicities and, rarely, train wrecks. In this section I will describe an instance of each scenario, thus giving you a grounded understanding of how the process can unfold, establishing consent, and reducing the likelihood of the aforementioned trainwreck scenario.
Some of the best shadow work I ever facilitated was with an exceptionally kind and gentle woman who had been abused by a group of women in her church group. This particular session was done in tandem, meaning I had another colleague present to facilitate. I could see as soon as this woman sat down with my colleague and I that she was tense. We inquired about the nature of her discomfort and she responded with her story of spiritual abuse, the aftermath of which provoked years of deep psychological anguish. We realized that having two therapists present was triggering, in that it recalled to her mind the abuse scenario where she was outnumbered and overpowered.
After a few minutes of mixed bodywork and dialoguing, she realized something she had repressed until that moment, and as a Christian, felt she could not admit. She actually HATED those women. Once she honestly expressed the hatred it lost its power to inspire fear and shame. She was able to forgive them and herself, mobilizing an incredible amount of power to heal and transform her life. If we wish to be authentic humans we do not have to be nice, just honest. The truth sets us free.
An example of a trigger set off by unplanned circumstance is the case of repressed anger unleashed by a miscommunication about session time. On this occasion I had made a scheduling error and didn’t realize my next client was waiting for me in the lobby. When I realized my mistake I apologized profusely and we got to work. I noticed, though, that there was a lingering uneasiness in the room and worked up the courage to say, “when you were waiting in the lobby and I was not coming out and not coming out, how did you really feel about it? Please be as raw and honest as you can.” She went on to say she had felt “increasingly frustrated.” For her this was a very big deal. Bear in mind that this woman grew up in an abusive family where anger was tyrannically squashed. Admitting she was angry with me took a huge amount of trust and bravery, and her willingness to do so led to an exceptionally powerful session that day.
Synchronicities as triggers are messengers that visit my practice every day. Who knows where they come from, but I prefer to believe they represent the inbreaking of a higher mind into our world. Some people might interpret synchronicities as evidence of The Holy Spirit in motion. Whatever the case, they are always benevolent and I am grateful for them. Sometimes for no clear reason, the music will change from generic spa tunes to a rock anthem that speaks directly to the clients experience. Other times noises or snippets of conversation in the lobby will mimic the exact dynamic we’re working with on the table. Sirens will howl outside on the street as the client brings up childhood abuse. How? Why? Don’t ask me, I’m just a human.
Where the therapeutic process can get in real trouble is when shadow work happens without the knowledge or consent of either client or therapist. Depending on a clients’ willingness and ability to talk about, own and integrate their shadow, triggers can be either no big deal or unbearably painful. Without context and acceptance, triggers have the power to make very good people go completely feral.
Probably the worst trainwreck I’ve ever participated in was a classroom experience. I have learned to trust my instincts, impulses and the words I’m led to say during a session. This time, though, the words coming to me did not match what my client was experiencing, but she kept that fact to herself. Would I have shut my mouth and adjusted my technique had I known? Absolutely! Would doing so have circumvented the work that needed to happen that day? Probably so.
The situation on the table faithfully reflected a lifetime of not feeling seen, heard or respected. For 45 minutes she was silent until finally the frustration reached fever pitch, she sat up and chewed everyone out. Her outburst was probably exactly the emotional release she needed. It caused me to question myself as a therapist for a very long time, but it wasn’t wrong.
In hindsight I see that the work I facilitated gave her system the input she needed to provoke a previously disowned part into expression. When a person thinks they have to be nice all the time, they usually need someone to play the role of designated asshole before anger has permission to express.
In some ways it was perfect, but I call that experience a trainwreck because it lacked integration: her anger came up, but it wasn’t recognized in the context of her internal world.
In light of knowing that this type of experience is possible, I ask that all clients take responsibility for making me aware immediately of anything, no matter how small, that is experienced as triggering or out of synch with your internal experience. In return I promise immediate cessation of the trigger, sincere concern for your wellbeing, changed treatment strategies and an apology where it is warranted.
In some cases, notably, where there is fragmentation of the personality, a history of severe systematic abuse or complex PTSD, it may not be possible to be honest in the moment about a trigger. In these cases it would be wise bring along a safe person or perhaps reconsider craniosacral therapy at this stage in your recovery.
If you have a complex mental health situation, please seek out the care of a competent mental health practitioner and get their okay before scheduling a session with me. Mental illness does not rule you out as a client, but it does mean we must take extra care to make sure everyone is safe and able to process the work that unfolds.
In the darkness there is power and majesty. Much like Lewis and Clark exploring virgin territory, shadow work turns our psyche into a new world begging to be explored. Seen through the lens of truth and put into the service of the conscious mind, every impulse from the shadow can be made to serve in some way. The challenge remains to align ourselves with the light of consciousness instead of fear of the dark.
“In the beginning was the word. And the word was with God and the word was God. He was there in the beginning and all things were made through him. Without him nothing was made that was made. In him was the light of men. And the light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.”
